So you’re the Best Man. The Stag Do, the rings, and the general running around are all under control, and all you’ve got left to suss out is the speech…
First of all structure is key. You’ve basically got three main choices here – three approaches (laid out below) which will form the basis of your speech, providing an easy blueprint to get you going. For top quality examples of speeches and toasts I’d recommend this website, but for now, just read on…
1. The Formal Approach
The traditional route is possibly the easiest option, requiring the least amount of effort and imagination, and it’s guaranteed not to offend or confuse anyone.
It may be the most appropriate choice for a wedding that has a generally formal or religious atmosphere, where the guests have certain expectations, or are of a certain social class. The risk is that it may come across as a little boring, ‘stuffy’, or lacking in emotion, but this doesn’t have to be this case if it is written carefully and sincerely.
Introduction
Begin with a salutation, introducing yourself to the guests and formally stating your relationship to the groom.
Thanks, Compliments and Toast to the Bridesmaids
Traditionally the groom will have just spoken and given gifts and compliments to the bridal party (bridesmaids, ushers etc). On behalf of the party you should thank him, compliment the bridal party and offer a toast to the bridesmaids.
You should also compliment the bride and can use this to link into the next section…
Brief History and Comment on the Couple
This section of the speech is the most open to interpretation, and the best opportunity for some humor and ‘personality’.
Traditionally you would initially focus on your relationship with the groom, tell an anecdote or two from his past, and offer a reflection on his character.
You could give a few details on how the bride and groom became a couple, their journey, and a few thoughts on their forthcoming happy future together.
The Wedding Telegrams
The ‘Telegrams’ section is where you read aloud any correspondence from invited guests who could not attend on the day. This may not be necessary but if you do have any genuine messages to pass on this is the time to do it.
In a formal speech spoof telegrams are not really appropriate.
The Toast
This is the finale of the speech and sums up the entire occasion.
A short pre-amble prepares everyone (if they know the toast is imminent they can make sure they have their glass ready). You could briefly thank everyone for attending, and offer a few other heartfelt words about the blissful future of the couple.
There are many ways to give the toast, and specific traditional toasts (and toast poems) do exist, if you wish to use them. The key is to be clear and concise – ask the guests to stand and raise a glass, then address the bride and groom individually followed by offering a toast to “Mr. and Mrs. XYZ…”
2. The Informal Approach
As far as an informal ‘structure’ goes here the rule is there are no rules!
If you’re feeling confident and creative enough to take this approach (and are sure the couple will be happy for you to go ‘off piste’) then all bets are off and this is your chance to do something really memorable, hilarious, moving and unique for your friend and his new wife.
Think carefully about what you hope to achieve, what you want to communicate about the groom and the couple, and how you want to come across – and then be free to explore any number of different creative ideas.
Some great elements to include are:
Humor
The main advantage of an informal speech is the opportunity to really ramp up the humor. Yes this is where you get to play ‘stand-up’ comedian. But be wary – it’s a minefield! Firstly you have to actually be funny – this takes confidence and if you are not naturally the ‘class clown’ it’s probably not really worth the risk.
Secondly you must remember you’re talking to a lot of very different people – young and old, from diverse backgrounds etc so keep it appropriate and try not to offend. Having said that the groom himself is fair game up to a point and you can use the informal setting to push him a little – within reason!
Props
Photos (from childhood, college days, or specific humorous occasions) are great if you can get them projected onto a screen somehow. Other meaningful or funny objects, old diaries, items of clothing etc can bring an entertaining and insightful visual element to the proceedings.
Songs/ Poetry
If it is done well, an original song or poem (or at least a well known one that has been tailored to the couple), can be a very powerful, funny, and memorable element. It can be a good way of getting very ‘close to the bone’ without crossing the line. But as with using humor be careful here as you don’t want to set yourself up to fail.
Surprises
When it comes to other, more ‘off-the-wall’ moments to an informal speech the sky is the limit. Consider fireworks, marching bands, bridal party choreography, anything at all to make the moment unforgettable (for the right reasons!) – let your imagination run free but always bear in mind how the couple will react to it and don’t go over the top if it will make them feel awkward in any way. Remember it’s their day!
Sincerity and Love
Whatever you do, always finish with some sincere words of love and affection, don’t be too ‘jokey’, and toast the couple more or less formally to round it all off.
3. The Combined Approach
For most western weddings these days I’d advise taking a balanced or ‘combined’ approach to the Best Man speech – that is loosely following the formal structure, but with a generally informal tone and some more creative and humorous elements in there to ‘spice it up’.
The key question to ask here is: what balance between formal and informal most suits you as a communicator, the couple themselves, and the occasion in general? You may wish to discuss this with the couple, and/or bridal party, but ultimately you alone will be the judge of that.
Looking back at the formal structure again we can see that the main areas to get ‘creative’ would be during the brief history and comment on the couple as well as the toast, perhaps with some humor peppered throughout. You may also want to include some spoof ‘Telegrams’ which can work well.
No doubt the groom will have chosen you as a Best Man partly because he has confidence in your ability to deliver this speech – so take heart in that and let your own personality and talent serve the occasion as well as possible.
Finally as mentioned above, to save time and create a really great speech, this professional best man speech material could be a real help, and the cool thing is if you purchase the professional stuff I get some beer money (not enough to buy a pony)! If you don’t like me (or are unable to afford the professional material) then I hope you found this blog useful anyway!
Being a Best Man is a responsibility and a privilege so make the most of the opportunity – and enjoy it.
Good luck!